How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone Parents Who Don’t Let Go of Adult Children Who Are Chronically Hurtful People

You are searching about How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone, today we will share with you article about How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone was compiled and edited by our team from many sources on the internet. Hope this article on the topic How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone is useful to you.

Parents Who Don’t Let Go of Adult Children Who Are Chronically Hurtful People

For many of us, close relationships are the most important part of our lives. At the same time, close relationships can present us with our greatest emotional challenges. In my work with couples and families, one problem that I find particularly difficult to solve is helping parents to let go of an unhealthy attachment to their adult children. Often these parents go to therapy because they are worn out with worry and stress about how to deal with their now adult offspring. These parents often seem “unable” to let go and let their offspring take responsibility for their own lives.

I am not talking here about parents who help their adult children to a limited extent with financial or other problems. I’m talking about the parents who “help” over and over and over and nothing changes. In these cases, it is common for the adult children to abuse drugs and/or alcohol, but this is not always the case. What is the case is that the younger ones behave in a self-centered, abusive and manipulative way. In doing so, they refuse to grow up and usually blame their parents for their mistakes and irresponsibility. The parent responds to this tactic and other power plays by enabling more of the same.

I have had more than one parent of a now forty or fifty year old “child” storm out of my office because I informed them that what they were doing would never help their offspring and was actually contributing to problems, they claim to be concerned about. One thing I could say is some version of, “It is loving to hold people accountable and expect respectful behavior from them. It is not loving to someone to allow that person to abuse or exploit you or others.”

What I have discovered over time is that even when the elders understand what I am saying, that alone is not enough for them to cut the cords that bind them to their offspring and that perpetuate a situation where it adult child may never actually grow up.

So why do people continue to do what is self-harming and harmful to others? Often the culprit is deep-seated beliefs, often unconscious, carried by the exhausted parents in this case. You can say that the adult CHP (chronically hurt person) also has deeply held unrecognized beliefs, but he is not the one who shows up for therapy. These adult children are the ones who create chaos and pain for others and do not consider themselves to have problems, so until and unless something gets their attention, they are not interested in change.

Some of the beliefs that prevent parents from acting healthy:

1. If I don’t do X, he might kill himself.

Susan Jones has not slept well for months and has lost a lot of weight. Her 35-year-old drug-abusing daughter periodically shows up at the Jones home to crash. Susan offers to help her daughter get treatment and once again offers to help her settle into her own apartment. Her daughter claims that she is in too much pain, no one has helped, no one understands, and if her mother does not help her (ie gives her more money), she may not be willing to live on.

2. I must be a terrible parent for this to have happened, so I must do better. It’s my fault.

John and Mary Smith are in their late seventies. Mr. Smith has two sons and a daughter, now in their forties and fifties, neither of whom have held steady jobs. “My girl and the boys,” as John refers to his offspring, live in houses provided by their father. All three, now single, have had one or more failed marriages, and whenever they have “struggles” of any kind, good old dad is there with a checkbook. Mrs. Smith, the stepmother, has been trying to get her husband to stop this rescue mission until the younger generation shows some interest in actually serving their own will. Father is easily manipulated by his offspring. “You left mom when we were young and now you’re leaving us.”

3. She/he won’t like me anymore and may never see me again and I can’t stand that.

Sam and Ruth Brown have a 38-year-old son who has a checkered history of drug use and recently started gambling regularly, a habit that looks more and more like an addiction. His parents continue to see him as the popular top student he was in high school, the smart kid who promises a lot. They can’t bring themselves to acknowledge that not only is he no longer a child, but that he has lied and cheated his way through two marriages and been fired for stealing from two employers. They see only the “good” in him, and fear his rejection if they note to themselves, or out loud, the mess he has made for himself. Despite confrontations from their other son and their daughter, they continue to act as if everything is fine and as if they are a happy family with no problems. The thought that their son might think they don’t like him means he won’t like them anymore, so they’re stuck in denial big time.

4. I have to keep trying. I just do that. I have no choice. This is my child.

Jane White raised her two children mostly alone. Her passive husband was often away traveling with his work, leaving the family forever when the children were out of high school. Her daughter is now a nurse, married and the mother of two daughters. Her son started using drugs and alcohol as a teenager and now, as a 45-year-old adult, has yet to stay clean for any length of time or hold down any kind of job despite the many times mom has paid for his hospitalization . and outpatient treatment, job training and schooling. Every time she kicks him out of her home, he quickly returns and she takes him back, even though she “knows” it’s not a good idea and that it only makes the pain worse. But part of her thinks it’s just her job to keep trying to solve this, no matter how much both her daughter and the rational part of her tell her that there’s nothing she can do about his problems, only he can.

5. I love him/her. Leaving him means I don’t love him. God tells us to forgive seventy times seven. I can’t give up.

Tom and Patricia Pratt have a 30-year-old daughter who has repeatedly stolen money from them, stolen household items and sold them, and leaves her toddler with them for weeks at a time, her whereabouts unknown. Then she shows up and acts contrite. Tom Pratt has had it and told Patricia that he will no longer put up with their daughter’s illegal and irresponsible behavior. Patricia claims that love means going the extra mile and that God is on her side. She cannot consider that allowing this behavior is in fact unloving, even when Tom points out that they have already forgiven her 490 times.

It is interesting that chronically hurting people in some way, whether addicted or otherwise (addicts are most often CHPs while abusing drugs, though not when they are sober and clean) see appear to sense the exact unhealthy beliefs that their parents carry and are therefore able to exploit those beliefs by doing or saying anything that triggers the parent to move into a rescuing and enabling position. The irresponsible offspring gets what he or she wants again, but no one gets healthier. Things are actually getting worse.

The parent who continues to enable adult children who have a long history of disconnected and irresponsible behavior is unlikely to take the appropriate actions and set reasonable limits for themselves until and unless they confront their own deep-seated beliefs that prevents healthy outcomes. It’s not easy to face what we don’t want to face, but the chances of anything changing in these parent/adult child relationships are slim to none if deep-seated and highly limiting beliefs aren’t challenged and changed . What is true, and something I often share with clients who suffer in these ways, is the statement: Whatever we face, we can handle.

Video about How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone

You can see more content about How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone on our youtube channel: Click Here

Question about How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone

If you have any questions about How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone, please let us know, all your questions or suggestions will help us improve in the following articles!

The article How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone was compiled by me and my team from many sources. If you find the article How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone helpful to you, please support the team Like or Share!

Rate Articles How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone

Rate: 4-5 stars
Ratings: 7442
Views: 35516434

Search keywords How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone

How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone
way How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone
tutorial How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone
How Much Should An 18 Year Old Weight In Stone free
#Parents #Dont #Adult #Children #Chronically #Hurtful #People

Source: https://ezinearticles.com/?Parents-Who-Dont-Let-Go-of-Adult-Children-Who-Are-Chronically-Hurtful-People&id=9578949

Related Posts

default-image-feature

How Much Weight Can You Lose By Stop Drinking Pop Eat Stop Eat Diet Program Saves Time and Money

You are searching about How Much Weight Can You Lose By Stop Drinking Pop, today we will share with you article about How Much Weight Can You…

default-image-feature

How Much Weight Can You Lose On The Elliptical Machine Can Elliptical Trainers Prevent Osteoporosis?

You are searching about How Much Weight Can You Lose On The Elliptical Machine, today we will share with you article about How Much Weight Can You…

default-image-feature

How Much Weight Can You Lose On The Egg Fast The Top 10 Great Weight Loss Foods

You are searching about How Much Weight Can You Lose On The Egg Fast, today we will share with you article about How Much Weight Can You…

default-image-feature

How Much Should A Woman Who Is 5 6 Weight Safe and Effective Weight Loss Tips From a Personal Trainer

You are searching about How Much Should A Woman Who Is 5 6 Weight, today we will share with you article about How Much Should A Woman…

default-image-feature

How Much Weight Can You Lose By Shaving Your Head How to Make Your Penis Bigger Right Now!

You are searching about How Much Weight Can You Lose By Shaving Your Head, today we will share with you article about How Much Weight Can You…

default-image-feature

How Much Should A Woman Who Is 5 2 Weight 5 & 1 Meal Plan – Medifast Safe Weight Loss Program

You are searching about How Much Should A Woman Who Is 5 2 Weight, today we will share with you article about How Much Should A Woman…