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Singleness – 10 Tips to Living a Great Life As a Single Woman
On any given day, the divorce rate averages between 50-60% in the US. When you add the number of women who remain in emotionally dead relationships and relationships that are physically or emotionally abusive, it is clear that only a small percentage of women are satisfied with their significant other. I’ve had significant relationships, but most of my adult life I’ve been a single woman. I’m not against finding a new man or getting into a new relationship in the future, but there are things about being single that I love and would hate to give up. If you’re struggling with singleness, the following tips can change your life by building your self-esteem and increasing your financial and emotional security.
1. Get control of your working life. This doesn’t mean you have to take a job you hate for a big fat paycheck; instead, it means the opposite. Find something you love to do and do it to the best of your ability. Find ways to maximize income doing what you love to do. Look for people you can love and support on their journey and people who will love and support you on yours. (Consider joining a support group if you don’t have friends or relatives who believe and validate you).
2. Take care of your health. Women are bombarded with misleading images and statistics about health. Grocery stores, billboards and television sets display scantily clad anorexic women selling everything from coffee to diapers. 16-year-old models are used to sell anti-wrinkle cream. It’s completely ridiculous. I have always been a big, athletic, active woman. A few years ago I was deeply concerned about my weight. According to medical charts, I was between 40 and 50 LBs overweight. At my annual physical, I brought this up to my doctor. Her answer shocked me. She said, “You have the blood pressure of an athlete, so don’t worry about it”. So my advice – find a sport you love and do it 3 to 5 times a week. It can be water aerobics, dancing, karate or energetic walking. Find a meal plan that works well for your body. I eat mostly unprocessed organic foods including lots of fresh vegetables, some fruit, some dairy and some protein. I still like sweets, so I allow them, but only in small amounts. By maintaining optimal health, you will have optimal energy, lower medical bills, and be more likely to have a better outlook on life. I exercise almost every day. When I don’t, I’m prone to low energy and low levels of depression.
3. Take care of your finances. Stay out of debt at all costs. There are so many creative ways to live well for very little money, provided you don’t fall victim to advertising or the desire to “keep up with the Jones'”. There are many books that provide excellent information on how to get out of debt and increase wealth. If you are able to buy a home and it makes financial sense, then do it. Don’t wait for Mr. Right. Although, or when he comes along, he will probably admire your financial savvy. Consider joining a financial investment group or taking a stock market class at your local community college. Pay off your debt and start saving money.
4. Feed your maternal instincts. If you really want a child, and you have the finances to support yourself and the child, and you have a large, loving and supportive network of family and friends, then adopt a child or apply to become a foster parent. If you don’t have the money or don’t feel like you can handle being a single parent, look for volunteer opportunities that will meet your mothering needs. You can be someone’s emotional mother regardless of your age, income or location. Many children with biological parents need more maternal support from society.
5. Close to your need for touch. The desire for sex and or to be touched is normal and natural. Some people are fine with casual sexual relationships. I am not one of them, and yet I am a physically alive woman. The need to be touched is essential for survival. It is very helpful to schedule routine massages and establish friendships where friendly hugs or kisses are expected and normal. I also love animals and share my home and heart with several pets. There is nothing as comforting as a cat sleeping on my lap while I read a good book.
6. Live in the present as much as possible. One of the biggest challenges a single woman faces is that we often project into the future. We think, “If I’m single now, I’ll always be single”. This may or may not be true, but either way we are missing out on the gifts that this moment has to offer. According to the Buddha’s Second Noble Truth, all suffering comes from desire and our inability to accept our circumstances. Once we embrace the present moment, the richness of life and the endless possibilities of joy are obvious.
7. Learn a quick comeback for relatives or negative self-talk. If you’re tired of hearing someone say, “…poor, so beautiful and still single,” or a similar comment, find a truth or a joke to use as a quick, automatic response. For example, think about the benefits of being single. “I love my solitude,” or a friendly joke, “well you’re already married to Uncle Clyde”. This eventually gets the point across and helps you maintain your good feelings about your independence.
8. Look for the advantages of being single or the disadvantages of being married. I have a wide circle of friends and don’t have to look far. Several of my female friends married men who developed serious health problems. My friends now spend their time and money taking care of their partner. This has crippled their finances and creativity. On my worst day, I wouldn’t trade places with them. Another dear friend of mine is married to a man who, like herself, is very opinionated and outspoken. They have terrible verbal spats. Company does not discourage this couple and I have heard a lot. These dear friends always make up and seem to have a good marriage, but that’s not what I want. As a single woman, I have 100% control over where I go, what I do, who I see when I get home, how much money I’ve spent, and what I want to do with my time. I can put on my pajamas at 5pm or stay out all night. I love it.
9. Create and maintain a good circle of friends. Some single women I know form travel groups, investment clubs or are included in couples functions. It’s important to give and receive love and maintain friendships, whether you’re in a meaningful relationship or not. Learning to be a better friend and staying in touch with people you care about is an important part of life’s journey.
10. Keep your mind active. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s just as important to exercise your brain as it is your body. Watch science or nature shows, take a class, join a study group, or find a way to be fascinated by life. The world is an incredible place; there is so much to learn, be and do. By keeping your mind active, you will experience more of the joy of being alive. In addition, if you are constantly learning, people will find you interesting, your self-esteem will remain healthy, you will meet new people, maybe increase your health or finances or a circle of friendship and support.
Once you learn to be happy in your singleness, you may or may not choose to share your life with someone else. If you learn to be financially and emotionally responsible for your own health and well-being, you’re more likely to enjoy life, whether you’re single or not. If you choose a partner, it will be from a place of strength rather than need. Once you learn how to lovingly nurture yourself, it’s easier to avoid a partner who would bring you down or cause you emotional, physical, or financial harm. In the long run, it doesn’t matter if you get married, have a partner or live alone. You will live your life with joy.
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