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Vermilion Cliffs Sand Hills Loop, Bad As You Wanna Be
The land on this “rise” is under the jurisdiction of Vermilion Cliffs National Monument. Do not deface or collect here. I saw that “Tom” was in the Eastern Sand Hills Crack on New Years Day, 1932. He left a mark. It was not a National Park then. Leave no trace. At the beginning I left “walking” in parentheses. Michael Kelsey calls this area a hiking area. This is a scramble to find the freelancing route from start to finish here. It’s painful, brutal, gnarly, ugly (and rewarding). I like it. Can you do that? You will know before long.
Okay Dokee, Michael Kelsey is the only one who has written about this hike, so buy his book so you know what the mile markers on Hwy. 89A on the Arizona Strip to turn off. Now throw the book in your trunk and read this.
Kelsey is almost 70 and apparently still runs at seven miles per hour on a vertical incline. Congratulations Michael, I see that is just as dangerous as ever. I bought your new 5. Edition of “Hiking and Exploring the Paria River” and pictures in color! But you are still dangerous. While children don’t need an inner tube, they do need a respirator. So not only was this hike as bad as expected but MK was as bad as expected. Again, the good thing about this guy is that he goes where no one else goes (and sometimes he can take you on a trail—but not on this hike).
Oh, I would like to mention that I am almost 60 years old and this is the second time I have done the East to North Rift Loop. I’m in a very bad condition. It took me a second time to do it like Kelsey.
At least 30 years old can’t keep up with me.
Climbing: 6 hours, and we walk almost non-stop-ten minutes for lunch. The route # you turn north on to 89A is # 1396. Parking at Yakub Pool is 2 miles north on this dirt road. The jeep came within 1/8 of a mile of Jacob where the last ravine had been washed away. Get out of your car! Looking north at the Vermilion Cliffs. No, not northwest on the wide sand slide. There is a narrower sand slide due to the north side. That’s right, it can’t be climbed. That’s slang for “you can’t climb”. Now, to the east of this thin sand there are sand dunes. It is climbable. You are aiming for the extreme east of this dune. You will not be able to orient again until you are in. We will do a counterclockwise loop. You will see why. It’s brutal but the easiest. Michael is full of blah blah but doesn’t mind Rachel Lee’s old stone house. There are about 50 old ruins and no plaques. From there, follow Jacob’s old road to the east along the fence. He was right about being washed away while going north. You are looking for the main spring as he said. Cattails! That’s what you’re looking for! There is only one place with many cattails! Now he talks about “an emerging hiking trail”. What in the world does that mean? Popping out of the chest like “Alien”? I used to have the “Emerge the Litter” album. Is it related to the group “The Litter”? No, it is not cairned as he said. About 6 people a year do this hike and they are all “hard core”. Of course none of the 6 will appear here while you’re here. We don’t need stink badges. From the head of cattails due to the northeast. The climb here is brutal and not easy. go home when you can’t hack sand and ball bearings. Start early in the AM and you can talk northeast by the sun. Finally, about an hour from where you park (in Yakub) you will reach the sand dunes. Note that you want the extreme east side of it. There is an intermittent trail here and there in the dunes and maybe one cairn somewhere. In 1 1/4 hours the road you have to pass crosses a large black rock on the right. Now in a few minutes the trail disappears. Look, this is a freelance hard-core expedition. The right way might be to go up the washing “stairs”, but we choose to go up because we have to go up.
If you want to follow me take the clay-looking alluvial fan immediately to the left. Are you going home now? The “Eastern Crack” is now visible to the northeast and so it is. Directly for me. You’re on the right track if you see a lizard petroglyph up on the wall to the left. This is in 1 hour 50 minutes. Michael counts 6-7 petroglyph panels. There is more to it than that. The second panel (also on the left 2 o’clock) is 6 nice Bighorns. In 2 1/4 hours you will see what looks like a dam (there is also a dead Juniper tree) as you continue up. You can do this. I’m 60. This dam is looking for what Kelsey calls “built cow trail”. Climb the wall and bear left on the trail for about 5 feet where it ends. Now go straight back to the top (lots of other big pets.). 2 1/2 hours to the top. Of course Kelsey got up and went back to the speeding car. What BS to most people! Anyway, leave a huge cairn on the rim when it emerges (there’s another word) from the crack, in case you get lost and have to go back down.
What’s next? Bear to the west on the edge. What is called an easy and flat walk in “Hiking and Exploring the Paria River” is anything but. I’m not Jack Kennedy but I’m pretty sure I know easy rim walking. This rim walk through loose sand, over and under rock formations, through unclear routes, blah blah. Anyway, reach unused two-track (Bingo, MK right at this landmark) in 1 to 1 1/2 hours from Eastern Crack. You take 1 1/4 with a 10 minute lunch. The two-track looks over the edge to the west. That’s where you want to go down. Let me explain something. The walk would have been easier about 1/4 mile inland from the edge, but we wanted to keep our bearings towards the Jeep and Jacob because we had learned NEVER TO TRUST MICHAEL KELSEY. If you have not reached the two-track in 1 1/2 hours return to the huge cairn and go down the Eastern Crack.
Follow the track away from the edge (north) for 5 or 10 minutes. When it is directly north away from the rim you bear directly south. It’s a little disorienting as the chute comes down. The standard three-foot trapezoid petroglyph tells you that you are in the right place. Now begrudgingly I will give THE AUTHOR credit. They give you the Northern Crack rock art signature that will keep you from thinking you’re missing out. The way down the North Crack took us 1 1/2 hours!!! You will get a “cliffed” pour-off 3 or 4 times but you will get around this. The Ancients did, I did, and you will. Safety is always on the left. You’ll make it because you don’t want to go back up the Northern Crack I think. I never said “not good” like when I went down this chute but you will still know that counterclockwise is the right choice to land this. Loose, dangerous and demanding. Don’t lose concentration here, tired or not. Focus on the project.
Finally we landed at the bottom. Every hiker has a gallon of water when they start. There shouldn’t be. Now there is the first break in the whole hike after 5 1/2 hours. Walking south on the flat wash is relaxing. When you reach the fence line exit wash to the left. Open the hole in the fence and walk across to your vehicle. 1/2 hour after reaching the wash at the bottom of the Northern Crack you drink ice water in your vehicle.
MK did this loop in less than 4 hours. Give it a break. I have been a hiking fanatic for 20 years. Crazy people…and write hiking books. Maybe I was in awe of the way he kicked my legs. I’ll flip a coin. No, he’s crazy.
Oh, don’t try the hike that Kelsey says takes 7 hours. You have been warned. DON’T BLAME YOURSELF, HE’S JUST AN “AUTHOR’S STORY”.
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